Vital PR statistics you need, from Hacked Off Flack

So far today I have written three press releases, made six phone calls, attended one meeting and drunk four cups of coffee. And as I am being abstemious, I have only eaten one cake. These numbers add up to a typical morning. But do I have the right numbers to add up to a successful PRO?

Here are the numbers that count in PR:

100+ Number of friends. If you were to have a party, how many people would you invite? You need to be able to talk this up – 20 is obviously not enough. PR people must be seen to be simply outrageously fun! People should beg to be your friend.

2 Number of real friends. You only need two. In fact, sometimes I think that’s two too many.

1,000+ Number of Twitter followers. But you must always have more followers than people you follow. Presumably this can't be true for everyone – any statisticians out there?

250+ Number of Facebook friends. Personally, I tend to find that there is a reason I haven't spoken to someone since I was 16 – we no longer have any common ground. Facebook is the perfect holding area for these people.

500+ Number of LinkedIn contacts. Seems everyone who’s anyone has at least 500 contacts. But what use they are exactly, I’m not sure.

10 Number of clients. This is at one time, obviously. You only need one with a large budget to keep you going, plus a spare if anything goes wrong. All the others are just to annoy you.

10+ Number of awards. I think they’re a waste of time, personally. And that’s not because I don’t have many.

25+ Number of units drunk each week. If you’re not drinking over your healthy limit, then you’re not going out enough. Although, have you heard about the new, too cool for school PR? The non-drinker – the ice and water type. I met one the other day. She was OK. Too thin – but OK.