Over the past year, PissedOffPR has ranted about many things: clients, bosses, in-house PROs, journos, agencies ... but there are certain topics that really seem to spark an outpouring of rage/tears/laughs amongst followers.
Our last PRmoment post put 'corporate lingo' on the stand ... and now we've decided to shoot a hole right through it. Here is Hacked off Flack’s translation of the bullshit-phrases you'll hear spilling out of people who don't have anything to say.
You may want to print this out and take it to meetings. If you hear anyone say these things – place the obligatory untouched plate of stale biscuits in front of said bullshitter and smash the biscuits until all in the room are silent. At best, the bullshitter will shut-up, at the very least – well you'll be a hero to staff who have to work under that person everyday.
1. "Let's have a quick brainstorm after the meeting."
Translation: "I'm not completely done hearing myself talk but I have no original ideas/help/guidance to offer. Therefore I’d like you to all think of some and tell me them so I can scribble them in my notepad and conveniently forget who came up with that idea when the client credit/new business comes in.”
2. Post-meeting: “You’ve missed a lot of meeting actions here. Next time, listen properly and take more notes.”
Translation: “Listen and make notes because I’m too busy listening to myself and thinking how to spend my monster wage to listen to anyone else. You’ll be doing all the work anyway. May as well write it down eh?”
3. “What’s the rationale behind this?”
Translation: “I like the idea but I’m aware I haven’t come up with anything so I need to make you feel awkward and suggest I do have a better idea … before deciding to go with yours.”
4. “I’m not buying into this one guys? I don’t know why. It’s just not grabbing me.”
Translation: See above.
5. “We’re going to utilise our core strengths in order to leverage your world-leading solution and create a best-in-field PR campaign.”
Translation: “We do PR”.
6. “We are famous for our fun working environment. The staff are really happy.”
Translation: “We hold socials on Friday nights and force our staff to attend. If they don’t, they’re black-marked ‘anti-social’”.
7. “We expect some flexibility in working hours.”
Translation: “We pay you for eight hours a day, you work 12… but we’ll say thanks a lot… over email."
8. “We hire staff who are motivated and career-minded.”
Translation: “Female staff must be childless and remain that way. Barren is the way forward”.
9. “Our staff have excellent potential for growth within the company. We hire people who want careers with us, not just a job.”
Translation: “We love arselickers”.
10. “The account team you'll have is incredibly self-motivated.”
Translation: “They get no help from us”.
Hacked off Flack also writes on Twitter. Follow them here: http://twitter.com/PissedOffPR
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