I have just come out of my yearly appraisal. A huge waste of time for me, and also for my boss, poor woman. I gave her hell. And she gave me, well, nothing at all. No extra pay, no more benefits and there’s obviously no budget for training. I got zilch.

The reason I gave her such a hard time was because I’m bored of this annual tax on my time. I reckoned that if I dragged it out long enough this year, she might agree with my request to abort the whole thing next year.

I quite like my boss, but unless she’s had a bottle wine she doesn’t do banter. So to attempt to liven the appraisal up a bit, I thought I’d score myself top marks. Problem was this meant endless arguments. So the appraisal went on for an hour and a half. And that’s before the 40-minute second session! At the end of it all my boss went from thinking I was relatively normal, to believing I was an arrogant fantasist.

By the final session she was spitting nails. Genuinely livid. Sweating anger.

So here’s my amended advice for getting the most out of appraisals:

1. Make sure you tell your boss that you are planning to give them top marks for excellent management skills. Sucking up is always a wise move.

2. Explain that as your boss is so busy, you are happy to postpone the appraisal. Indefinitely. After all, what’s the point? What’s the chance of a payrise in the current economic climate?

3. If you can’t cancel the damn thing, make sure you get the timing right. For example, after a boozy event. This is only good for you if your boss likes to drink too much and you don’t. It could be a disaster the other way around.

4. Offer to write up the action points for your boss. After all, you know they are very busy …

5. Don’t worry about the payrise. After tax, unless you’re looking at a 15 per cent increase, you really don’t notice the difference in the bank account. And more money, means more pressure.