I sometimes take an existential moment to truly figure out who reads this column other than my sister (hi, Carol) and my 10 month old. On nights where he struggles to sleep and my reading this to him soon sends him off. I should’ve had more faith in my ability, as evidenced by the first Good PR of this week.

Jeff Bezos subtly reveals that he reads PRmoment religiously, maybe

Last week I brought you the story that Italian hippies were planning to try and sabotage the wedding of the year in Venice. They wanted Bezos to move his wedding from outside of the waterlogged city.

In a clear sign that he reads this column and understands the higher meaning of winning a good PR gong, he has moved the location of his nuptials.

It caps a solid week for the ripped ecommerce boss. The announcement that Amazon plans to invest £40bn into the UK via four new warehouses dominated the business media. All in all, a great week for Amazon and the worthy winner of the first Good PR of the week. I am going to guess that my invite has been lost in the post, Jeff?

Asos breaks the record for the number of bad PR suggestions submitted in one week

I have bought two things from Asos in my lifetime. A pair of ill-fitting white trousers for a 1970s disco-themed party, and a pair of dungarees for a leaving party of a former employee who wore the offending style of garment far too often in the office. I consider dungarees to be childrenswear, and I am suspicious of adults who wear them, outside of a career in decorating, obviously. I found the purchasing experience to be neither good nor bad.

I certainly did not feel the need to pay and sign up for a year of unlimited returns.

This week Asos wrote to a huge swathe of muggles (quite a few of which it turns out are employed in the PR industry) to tell them it was shutting their accounts. Why? They stand accused of rinsing the free-returns policy.

Why did Asos launch something that could so easily be rinsed in the first place? Misguided optimism that muggles would do the right thing and not take the mickey? Has it not experienced consumer moaning and pettiness before?

Asos finds itself in a moment of crisis. A share price at a near all-time low, a painful slow decline in Google Trends and it now also faces losing its once loyal client base.

The brand has lost its way, and this latest tone-deaf decision makes me think its previous media advisors, known for their savvy approach and understanding of what consumers really want has been replaced by a raft of digital PR link-ninja types. If the latter are now in charge of strategic communications, at least the noise, albeit negative, will help it rank higher in Google.

Maybe it was a savvy play after all then. It has ditched the dead-wood customers and can start afresh. I really doubt that it was that well thought out, hence it getting the first bad PR of the week. 

Aldi helps UK farmers and should be knighted for doing so

In the early years of its entry to the UK market, the discount supermarket was falsely accused of many ills in the pages of the media. I suspect the negative stories were placed by snooty mainstream rivals. I have zero evidence to back this up, and this is why I have not named names!

Fast forward to today and I don’t know one consumer who does not love Aldi. The middle aisle randomness, the bakery and pastry section of dreams or maybe the sound-a-like vino that goes down better than the main-brand stuff. The positive list is endless. What’s not to love?

This week Aldi took another step closer to owning our hearts with a move to support British farmers. Farming is high on the muggle agenda because of the likes of Clarkson’s Farm and that rare-breed luvvie Adam Henson (who it turns out is a family friend don’t you know) putting sexy-farming on the map.

The Welsh have had it with Tesco

If Aldi is winning hearts and minds left, right and centre, then Tesco is doing the exact opposite. Even the most junior of campaign event planners would know that a one-size-fits-all approach to a promotion in the UK will never work.

Selling English whisky in Scotland may obviously ruffle feathers. Brewdog trying to take on Guinness in Ireland would be foolish (oh, hang on, it did try that… let’s move on). Tesco though has took the biscuit, or should that be, isotonic sports-recovery drink.

As the Lionesses head off for the Euro’s, Tesco thought it would be good to do an in-store promo wishing them luck. It was quite a low-key affair, said no one ever. A co-branded arch of Lucozade and Tesco good luck messaging that sat at the front of the stores.

Only one slight problem. Tesco did this in parts of Wales too. The Welsh were not too happy. Neither were the Welsh media. This will go down as a textbook marketing cock-up that is referenced in university lecture rooms for years to come.

Bad PR for Tesco, who I notice are recruiting in its comms team. I suggest it poaches someone from one of the discount supermarket brands.

Hugo gets bossy with Scouse pet-shop owner

As someone who hails from the mighty city of Liverpool, Bootle to be exact, I am 100% on the side of the pet-shop owner with this story.

Boss Pets in Liverpool has been asked to change its name by Hugo Boss.

When I say asked, I mean sent a strongly worded legal letter by the German-based chav-must-wear clothing brand.

This is going to do nothing to smooth over Liverpool/German relations. As everyone knows, the word “boss” in Scouse means, “really good”. A working example to help non-believers would be, “that Rotty is boss”. Which easily translates to, “I admire and respect your Rottweiler dog”.

Hugo Boss is not having any of this and has slapped the pet shop owner with a cease and desist, but he doesn’t have the funds to fight it. If he didn’t have a few more pressing global concerns right now, I would suggest Kier Charmer should get involved?

Bad PR for the fashion label.

The bear necessities of life won’t come to you

The final good PR of the week goes to charity wildlife park, Wildwood Devon. This week it faced a situation that I imagine keeps wildlife park bosses awake at night; two of its most bitey fur-balls escaped.

Two bears managed to escape their pens and were on the loose during the day. Before you avert your eyes from reading further for fear that the worst did occur, you need not worry.

Wildwood had the whole thing under control. Its emergency lockdown processes kicked into place perfectly, and no one was hurt. The bears, smelling a fantastic PR story, ignored the tasty looking, obese, and slow-running humans and instead headed for their food shed.

Once there, they are said to have eaten a month’s worth of their honey rations in minutes. If this is not a reactive opportunity for a honey-brand or much-maligned British supermarket chain who are desperate for some good PR to get involved, I don’t know what is.

This is fantastic PR for Wildwood Devon. It handled the situation brilliantly and its communications messages were spot on. Good PR for them.

Incidentally, let me tell you that I too once did some crisis comms for a wildlife park. It is a little-known fact that much of what dies of natural causes at a wildlife park gets fed to the lions, tigers and the other angry variety of cats. I suspect the lions cottoned on to this.

A vaguely dangerous (but not of the cat variety) animal escaped its enclosure and headed off in the direction of the nearest orphanage (I have added that for comedic effect, it basically just escaped). The police were summoned and a marksman shot it. As a diligent and professional comms consultant, I was on site by the time its carcass was fed to the lions and I swear that I saw one of them laughing as they tucked in.

I have been convinced ever since that the head lion simply bet the animal in question that it could not jump the fence, and the victim’s instinct to win the bet took over. Do I need to add an “allegedly” in there somewhere, probably?

Thanks to everyone who got in touch about the Asos story, keep them coming. Got an idea for a good or bad PR gong? You know where to find me.