How to win at office politics
15th August 2013
It doesn’t matter how good you are at your job. What matters is how good your boss thinks you are. So if you want to get ahead, you have to make your superiors think you are brilliant. This isn’t about the work you do, it’s about how much they like you. Never mind that it will piss off all your colleagues, here are the top tips for winning at office politics:
Make sure you tell your boss the latest gossip, if it is about someone the MD hates it’s even better.
It can be lonely at the top. Make sure you are always available for the boss to confide in. And try not to fall asleep when they go on about their pets.
Always go to the Friday night “bonding” drinks
That is unless your directors are on holiday. Don’t forget to buy the bosses a drink and laugh at their jokes.
Be the fall guy
When your MD has something in their calendar they dread, offer to do it for them. Even if this means jumping out of a plane for some industry fund-raising event.
“Inadvertently” copy the entire board on your best ideas
That “send-to-all” button can be your friend sometimes!
Shout about your successes
When you land some great coverage (or any coverage) make a loud whooping sound. Make sure your boss gets to hear about your every achievement. If you can take credit for someone else’s, so much the better.
Be a slave
When the boss decides to invite everyone to his or her house for a summer party, make any offer to help out. Cook food, be the DJ, help to clear up.
Love the boss’s family
When the boss brings the kids to work, be super friendly. And when they have gone, go on about what wonderful children they are. Not in a creepy way, obviously.
Whatever the boss does is great in your eyes. Even the awful watercolours they do at their art class.
Sponsor your MDs
If possible join in the fund raising event. If that means running a marathon, so be it, just make sure you don’t run faster than them.